Sage's wisdom
by Gweatherwax
Summary: My take on what happens after the final battle with Madara. Yaoi. M/M, so don't like, don't read. Prequel to Life Anew. Can be read as a sole piece. Complete.


**********************************WARNING********************************

THIS STORY IS A STANDALONE PIECE THAT WORKS ALSO AS A PREQUEL TO A SEPARATE STORY CALLED LIFE ANEW. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN THE SEQUEL, CHECK THAT STORY.

I do not own Naruto or any of its characters, Kishimoto does. Rated M for light smut and heavy language.

The dust started to settle, and Naruto came out of it looking triumphant, albeit ragged and bloody, with Sasuke right behind him.

He raised his thumb in triumph, giving everyone his sunny, victorious smile when they called at him, and toppled over unconscious, Sasuke grabbing him as he fell and throwing him over his left shoulder like a sack of rice while walking toward them.

Sakura ran from where Guy was lying, flanked by a fussing Rock Lee and a worried Gaara, and reached out for Naruto, only to have Sasuke turn him away while snarling at her.

"He's just tired". Sakura opened her mouth to complain, but froze as she saw his dark eyes staring at her, a myriad of expressions fighting on her face as she watched Sasuke pass by, limping a bit and crouching slightly under the weight.

He saw Taka run towards him from the left, finally catching up to them, and growled menacingly as they came closer. They stopped suddenly on their tracks, even Orochimaru widening his eyes in surprise, and fear. And wonder.

Sasuke made it to where Minato stood sided by Obito and Kakashi. The three watched him with worried expressions as he attempted a clumsy low bow, arms still wrapped around Naruto's unconscious body in a strong grip.

"Thank you, Giri no Chichi, Kakashi-sensei. You can go now, I'll take him back to Konoha."

They bowed back to him and watched as he passed through them, carrying Naruto with him. It was only as Sasuke reached a shadowy outcropping, finally letting Naruto slide off his back, that what he had said finally hit everyone, like a ton of bricks.

"Wha… whu… WHAT!?" Karin was pulling her red hair off with anger, Rock Lee's jaw was on the floor, and Minato blushed darkly, even though he was Edo Tensei and theoretically wasn't even capable of it. Orochimaru's and Juugo's eyes were as wide as saucers, and Suigetsu started laughing hysterically, rolling on the floor. Even Gaara looked surprised.

Sakura stood still, head bowed. A couple of tears dropped to the floor, her face hidden by her

disheveled hair.

"I'm AN IDIOT!" Inner-Sakura screamed inside her, as she remembered all of their times together and finally saw them without the rosy-pink glasses of her infatuation with Sasuke. "HOW IN HELL COULD I HAVE EVER BEEN SO STUPID?"

She stood there, trembling with rage, sadness, regret, shame, but suddenly all those emotions gave way to a huge, immense burst of happiness as she realized how very ridiculously, weirdly, and unpredictably, no, scratch that, completely predictably right it all seemed.

She raised her head just in time to see Kakashi give one of those weird eye-smiles of his to her, and smiled back. Sasuke had cuddled with Naruto in the shade, falling asleep while holding him tightly.

Kakashi turned to Minato and bowed to him. "Congratulations, sensei!"

Minato rolled his eyes, speechless, as he managed to blush even harder. "Kushina will be laughing her ass off when she hears about this", he thought.

"CHAAAAAAAAAA! JUST WATCH WHEN INO-PIG KNOWS ABOUT THIS! IT'LL BE HILARIOUS!" Inner-Sakura said, and Sakura had to agree. Though the idea of what would happen when Naruto woke up was so entertaining she started to giggle right there, as she went back to look after Guy-sensei, calling still-whining and hair-pulling Karin to help her out.

Naruto woke up slowly as the sun rose, muttering about it being too early and reaching out to pull the blanket over his eyes. He froze as he felt a leg thrown over his hip instead. He timidly touched it just to hear Sasuke mutter behind him, and move his leg up to his waist.

He dimly remembered flashes of the battle with Madara then, how all of a sudden Sasuke was just there, and he was yelling at Madara that he wasn't alone, that they would both defeat him.

He remembered feeling ridiculously happy as he sensed Sasuke's chakra, so like and not like his own, and realized that the Sage had given the same power to him as he had Naruto. They had fought Madara together, and it was just too good to be back to their rhythm, both synchronizing their attacks like they were dancing.

But that was one thing, waking up with a leg on top of him was another. How the hell had that happened? He remembered dragging his sore body out of the battle and keeling over as he raised his thumb in victory, but wtf had that to do with Sasuke's leg all over him, anyway?

He knew he was blushing, his face felt like it was on fire, and he tried to push the leg off him as nonchalantly as he could. He couldn't even see where they were, the stupid teme had laid him with his face facing east and the sunlight blinded him. He felt the blush spread all the way to his hair roots as Sasuke slipped an arm under his and grabbed his chest, pulling him closer.

"Oi."

He heard a muffled mutter as Sasuke's grip hardened and his face buried in Naruto's hair.

"Oi, ttebayo."

"Shut up, dobe, it's too early."

"Teme, what the fuck do you think you're doing? Where are we? Where is everyone? I can't see anything, lemme get up already and GET OFF ME, PERVERT!" He was actively fighting his way off Sasuke's iron grip now.

At that, Sasuke finally raised his head, propping himself on an elbow while blinking against the sunlight. He locked his leg against Naruto's writhing body and heaved him bodily over himself, locking his other leg and arm around Naruto as he hit the earth on the other side.

"There, now you can see, stop wriggling and lemme sleep, damn you."

"Oi! Lemme go! Teme! LEMME GO, TTE BAYO!" Naruto was flaying wildly with his free arm, convinced Sasuke had gone crazy, that means, crazier than he already was, the Sage's chakra had probably been too much for his glum personality to deal with.

"Naruto."

Naruto kept swearing and screaming, trying to get off Sasuke's grip. This kind of shit just had to happen to him, he had just got the world rid of its greatest threat with his best friend, just to have said friend go pervert on him, it figured…

"Oi, Naruto!"

More screaming, more trashing.

Sasuke sighed and cupped Naruto's crotch with his left hand.

"AAAACKKKK! PERVERT!" Naruto buckled so hard he ended up face-first on the ground, Sasuke on top of him, still clinging strongly.

"Nobody's here, asshole, stop bucking around and listen to me, idiot!"

Naruto froze. Nobody was there? Where was everybody? What the fuck had happened while he was out?

"I told everyone they could go back without us, they're fine, we can reach them later. Stay quiet and hear me out, and then I'll let you go, ok?"

"Who the fuck are you and what did you do to Sasuke?" Naruto was getting actually frightened now, this was by no means standard Teme-behavior, but he at least seemed fully awake at last. He stopped struggling.

"When you were with the Sage, what did you tell him you wanted most after the war, dobe?" Sasuke asked quietly.

"Um, what I always wanted from the bottom of my heart, to protect everyone." Naruto frowned at the stupid question. "Why, what did you tell him?"

"You, usuratonkachi."

"Oh."

Sasuke's voice sounded cracked when he spoke, now. "I told him what I wanted from the bottom of my heart, the only thing I could imagine ever doing after all this mess was over, for the rest of my life. Being with you. Protecting you. Taking care of you. I love you, baka-yarou."

Naruto was quiet for a long time. Sasuke slowly let go of him, got up and sat down, hugging his knees and waiting for the shoe to drop. This was it. No more war, no more revenge, no more… distractions. Only his soul, bare. He had never felt this scared in his life, not even when he faced Itachi in that horrible night.

With a drawn-out sigh, Naruto got up and sat beside Sasuke, hugging his own knees.

"Sakura-chan will kill us, tte bayo. Oh, my dad is gonna be so pissed, I think he thought Sakura-chan and I…"

"They know already."

Naruto looked at him alarmingly.

"What?!"

"Tch, what do you think, I'd pass through everyone without even showing my respect, especially for my father-in-law? I still have manners, I wasn't raised by myself like you, manuke."

"Er. What about the Sharingan and rebuilding your clan?"

Sasuke shrugged.

"We can always adopt. I don't want anyone to inherit the Sharingan anyway, all it's ever been good for is make people go crazy with self-importance, including me. So maybe building an Uchiha-Uzumaki clan with fresh blood, untainted blood, is the best way to make peace for my kin."

Uchiha-Uzumaki clan. No more Sharingan, ever. Uchiha-Uzumaki clan. Father-in-law.

Oh, wait.

WHAT?

Naruto's face scrunched up. He suddenly felt like taking a vacation somewhere far, far, as really, really far away from anywhere he had ever been as possible. He didn't think he'd ever be able to face anyone ever again, specially his father. But he couldn't stop being utterly fascinated by Sasuke's matter-of-factly attitude; he felt compelled to probe his insanity further.

"Teme, how in hell would you ever pull off getting Tsunade baa-chan to marry the both of us? You know we can't just up and form a clan like that."

Sasuke looked at him with that utter-contempt look he always used when he thought Naruto was being especially stupid.

"She has to, baka. The Sage of the Six Paths gave us his blessing, she can't argue with that." He held Naruto's right palm up and put his left palm next to it, the tattoos smudged with dirt and blood, but still very visible, before lacing fingers with him.

"But, but, but he might have thought because we're friends and…" Naruto was blurting nonsense, and he knew it. He knew it since he had told the Sage he could rebuild his relationship with Sasuke exactly **because** they weren't blood related.

Oh, shit. Was he really that transparent? No wonder Sasuke didn't even ask what he wanted. He sighed, feeling defeated, and turned to kiss him.

It was getting dark, and there was no sign of the allied nation's camp yet, but at least they had found their way into the forest, and they camped beside a narrow, shallow rivulet. It was the middle of the summer, and the first thing they could think about after setting up a small bonfire was getting clean off the layers upon layers of grime, dirt, blood, sweat and other unnameable filthy substances that had

adhered to their bodies after such a long war. Right now, they were soaking in the blissfully cool water.

"If you ever call me wife in public I swear I'll kill you, bastard." Naruto said after he finished getting the filth off his nails.

"Nah, I wouldn't do that. Maybe detchiri, though." Sasuke said and nuzzled his back, grabbing his ass with one hand.

"You… you… Asshole! Who said you're seme anyway?" Naruto went beet-root red, slapping Sasuke's hand off his rump.

"Seme? What's that?" Sasuke looked puzzled.

"Um. Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing? You're blushing, tell me what that word means". And there was the Uchiha ™ smirk. Oh how he missed that, Naruto thought while fidgeting.

"Er, hmmm. How come you don't know what seme means, anyway? You were all those years with that pervert Orochimaru!" He replied, getting even redder.

"Oi, dobe, what are you talking about?"

Naruto was about to make an angry remark, but Sasuke's face showed nothing but hurt puzzlement.

"Er, you didn't, uh, learn anything with Orochimaru and Kabuto while you were with them?"

"Learn? What you mean? Ack, EWWWWWWWWWWW, no! Naruto! They were crazy and Orochimaru wanted to move into my body, but to actually... URRRGHHHH!" Sasuke's face went green, and Naruto was suddenly very relieved they hadn't found anything to eat yet.

He felt a very funny sensation then, and gave off a very own self-satisfied smirk. He paid attention what it felt like on his face, he was sure it was a keeper. Maybe if he practiced enough he could even patent it.

"So… um. You're a virgin virgin? Oh, Saaaaasuke-kun!" he batted his eyelashes and clung to Sasuke like he saw Sakura and the other girls do for so many years; Sasuke hit him over the head.

"Ow!"

"Tch, idiot. I was busy, and what the fuck are you talking about anyway? It's not like you have any experience." Sasuke's eyes slitted dangerously. "Have you?"

"Erm."

"Naruto!"

"Well, when I was travelling with Ero-sennin…"

Sasuke's Sharingan went off. "That… that… SHOUNISEIAISHA! What did he do to you! Tell me!" Sasuke had turned him around and was currently straddling his knees, with his hands clutching his neck.

"Sasuke CALM DOWN! He didn't do anything! He never cared for guys!" Naruto screamed, wrenching Sasuke's hands away and holding his wrists aside. They panted for a few seconds that way, and Naruto fought his own body for attention to keep holding Sasuke's gaze on him. He was acutely aware his… friend? Lover? Fiancée? Husband? Who cared, when he was pressing against him like

that?

"When we were traveling, well, Ero-sennin was always looking for material for his, erm, research, and we were in a lot of red-light districts and places, and once we were staying at this inn, and one time I was going back to our room and I accidentally opened the wrong door, and then I saw two guys doing, well, uh… it, and then I asked Ero-sennin about it, and he got pissed off at me and yelled, but the lady that was sitting on his lap laughed and told me to ask her later if I wanted to know, and then Ero-sennin told me to go train, and I did, but the next day the lady was hanging clothes by herself and I asked her, and she told me, and that was it, baka-yarou!" He blurted out in one breath.

"Hn." Sasuke looked suspiciously at him, but his eyes were black again. He puffed, and slowly relaxed, sitting down on Naruto's lap. Naruto was completely aware of Sasuke's body possessively pressing against his in the process.

"What does seme mean then?"

"Erm. When two guys have, you know, ah, sex…" A-ha, at least Naruto wasn't the only one blushing now, he thought.

"Yeah?" Sasuke looked definitely interested now.

"So, um, when it's a guy and a girl, well, girls have, you know, and then the guy puts his, aaaahhh", something was moving against Naruto's belly and it was definitely not a water snake "well, you know, and they make babies, but when it's two guys one of them is the seme, and the other is called the uke, and then the seme can *low muttering* and then he puts his, erm, on the uke's, uh, er, *very low muttering* and that's how they do it, unless they want to *even lower muttering* or *soundless embarrassed mouthing*" and now he couldn't even pretend he could say anything because somehow he had let go of Sasuke's wrists and his hands were on his hips all by themselves.

"Uke's what?" Sasuke purred by his ear, and his breath was hot, and Naruto realized there was steam rising from the water around them, and he wasn't sure he wanted to tell Sasuke because he'd probably either hit him or take Naruto as uke right there, the bastard.

"Erm. Uh. Ah. His, uh, ass. Buttheladysaidtheukelikeditanditfeelsgoodanditsallabouttheukeanyway!"

"Hn." Sasuke considered for a moment. "That's what you saw then?"

"Um, erm. Yes." Saw? Ogled, more like it. "All of it? The other stuff too?" Sasuke was raising an eyebrow and had the damn smirk on his face again.

"Other stuff? Ah, oh, erm, uh." Sasuke was looking at him like he was his favorite food now, so Naruto just knew he had to be as red as a tomato. "Yeah. Sort of." No way he'd ever ever tell Sasuke he didn't really understand some of the stuff the lady told him, so he had stalked those guys' room until he could see everything. And had taken notes. And gods help him, fantasized about him and Sasuke doing

it enough times that he could probably be an Icha-icha writer himself if he ever wanted to.

"Ok, show me."

"Huh?"

"Do it to me, dobe. What you said you saw." Sasuke stood up and walked purposefully to their camp, and Naruto got a second nosebleed when he turned and saw his naked backside (the first, obviously, he got seeing Sasuke getting up close enough to practically knock him out with his erection).

He was so horny he fell twice while trying to get up.

Tsunade and the other Kage were being treated by the few medic-nins left when a scout came running to tell them that the Fourth's group was coming back. She got up immediately and left the barracks, waving Shizune off distractedly. She went up the earth wall set up for protection around the camp, swearing as her heels caught in the wooden ladder, and squinted hard trying to see in the fading

sunlight.

Shizune had often mentioned how better her eyesight would become if she used glasses, but she'd rather die than let such an obvious sign of her real age show.

After a couple of minutes, she could see them. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized Naruto was not with the group.

Sasuke watched smirking as the dobe finally got enough control of his knees to be able to walk out the rivulet; he felt really nervous, and hornier than he had ever allowed himself to feel in his life, but trust the dobe to save his face; he wasn't making a complete baka of himself, and his knees could still keep him standing up, even though he had to fight his own mouth not to drool at his… well, as long as they were – and they definitely were, unless Tsunade didn't like having teeth – getting married, he could call the dobe HIS dobe, so that is what he was; and just looking at him, and noticing that the dobe, unlike himself, had a fine line of hair going from his wide chest down his belly to his groin; 'Oh good, nice bush, that probably helps with this seme-uke thing'.

Now he had to bite the inside of his lower lip to keep from laughing; 'Does every couple have to gothrough this? How do they cope with it?', he thought, and the setting sun suddenly covered Naruto in light; he gasped at how his blondeness shone on his tanned body, and his knees gave way, but his dobe grabbed him and pulled him close, a little awkwardly, but strongly, and he wondered if he looked as hungry himself as Naruto did.

The group entered the camp showing signs of exhaustion, Sakura and Karin flanking a comatose Guy floating in a sand bed, with Gaara sighing relief when the medic-nins transferred him to a stretcher and took him inside the makeshift hospital; he gathered his sand back and clumped up in a corner, falling asleep almost immediately.

The only ones who didn't just slump around the hospital entrance were the Edo Tensei and Rock Lee, who decided to slump under Guy's bed instead, and growled deep if anyone tried to get him out of there.

Tsunade bowed to the Fourth,

"Yondaime. Good to see you back, albeit not in good shape, I see."

And raised her middle finger at Orochimaru.

"Kusottare. I see you haven't got a scratch on your cowardly self."

Orochimaru laughed bitterly.

"Always a kind word for everyone, right Tsunade-chan?"

Ignoring him, she turned to Kakashi, who was currently trying to surreptitiously slip a straw under his mask to drink from a water bottle.

"What happened and where is Naruto?"

Kakashi sighed and hung his head; the Yondaime made a face and raised his arm stump as if he was going to scratch his head, Orochimaru suddenly decided that the other end of the camp must be much more interesting than this and took off as quietly as he could.

"Er. He's with Sasuke. They stayed behind to, to…" Kakashi found himself at a loss for words right then.

"Heh, they're resting a bit, they didn't want to overtax themselves after such a heavy fight." Minato said with a smile.

Kakashi was really impressed that the man could come up with such a reasonable and actually truthful response with such a straight face, especially so shortly after the whole father-in-law business, of which nobody, especially Kakashi, had dared approach in the entire trek back.

"Uh, yes, Hokage-sama, they shall be here shortly. Heh." Tsunade squinted at him, damn the woman. No wonder Orochimaru had taken to his heels, she seemed to have a built-in bullshit radar.

He let out a relieved sigh when she turned, bowed to his sensei, and entered the barracks.

Naruto raised his head a bit to take a good, long look at Sasuke. His teme (he settled for that; he would not be caught dead calling him husband, fiancee or – gods forbid – boyfriend, and he was pretty sure uke or seme were not terms anyone would use in public) had always been pale and slim, almost gaunt, but his ribs didn't use to stick out so much, and he had less scars back in Konoha.

He shivered when he thought of what Sasuke had gone through in the last four years. Even so, Sasuke still held that elegant, almost androgynous beauty of his.

Curiously, he apparently had no body hair at all. Naruto decided to pursue that issue further with his mouth, as he was currently balancing himself over Sasuke on his elbows and toes, and so started nuzzling, licking and nipping throughout Sasuke's body, starting from his jawbone (oh, ok, a few downy stubs here and there, hmmmm), down to his neck (nope, no hair), and started working on his chest, carefully.

Sasuke felt certain that all those spontaneous combustion stories he heard people comment about were absolutely true, and that he was bound to be a victim to that as well, because every spot Naruto brushed his lips on felt like it had a hidden volcano under it. He even felt heat waves rising from his gut towards his neck with every nibble.

He was unable to think and could hardly breathe with this assault on his senses, and yelped when Naruto (A-ha! Found one!) yanked something from the edge of his left nipple with his teeth. Naruto kissed the nipple and circled it with his tongue, and when he sucked on it Sasuke grabbed his hair and pulled hard.

Naruto raised his head and hummed at that, looking at Sasuke's right nipple, hard and all alone. He touched it with his fingers, rolling the tiny bud against thumb and forefinger, and then decided that since there were two nipples to start with, maybe giving Sasuke the same sensation on both would be better.

He licked his fingers and watched Sasuke's face attentively, as he sucked on one nipple and mimicked the sucking with his wet fingers on the other, smiling when Sasuke bucked wildly under him, huffing and swearing through his teeth.

Sasuke started thinking he might come before Naruto even reached between his legs, his nipples felt so damn good, and then gave a loud gasp as the dobe decided to lick all over his belly greedily, with his whole tongue, as if it was covered in syrup or something. His muscles clinched with the sensation; he didn't know if he was going to pass out, orgasm, get the biggest abdominal cramp ever recorded in medical history, or all of the above at the same time.

Naruto stuck the tip of his tongue inside his navel and nibbled at the edge of it, and Sasuke's cock twitched, brushing at Naruto's neck, as if there was a straight line connecting it to his bellybutton.

Naruto stopped nibbling and looked straight at Sasuke's cock. Its head reminded him of a juicy plum, and he could feel Sasuke's hands leaving his head and his torso straining as Sasuke raised his own head to look at what he was doing. He raised his own, gave his teme the most lecherous, perverted smile he could manage, and stuck his tongue out, using the tip to touch the drop of juice he saw forming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sasuke jumped up, fire on his eyes.

He bodily heaved and turned a very bewildered Naruto on his back, slamming him on the ground and growling something completely incoherent as he jumped on top of Naruto, head towards his feet.

"Oi, Sasglrrllllggghhh"

"Shut up and suck it NOW!" Sasuke growled and shoved his cock down Naruto's mouth as he himself gobbled his dobe's cock until it hit the back of his throat.

"So, Forehead-girl, did you see Sasuke after the fight?" Ino asked innocently, while bandaging a few of Sakura's larger scratches.

"Yes." Sakura took a deep breath.

"I bet he didn't even look at your face, billboard-head!" Ino smirked.

"Uh… yeah, he did." Sakura promised inner-Sakura a whole pint of ice-cream if she helped her keep a straight face.

"Hnf! Not that it'll help you win him, anyway."

"Are you done? Good, um, I'm gonna go refresh myself. See ya!"

With that, Sakura got up, grabbed a towel that was hanging on the chair, and forced herself to keep quiet until she was out of Ino's hearing range. She then pressed the towel to her face and laughed herself off to tears for half an hour, and even after that, every time she thought about Ino she fell into a giggling fit.

That nice lady at the inn had told him nothing about this. Neither had it been shown on his, er, research.

Naruto tried to keep pace as Sasuke proceeded to suck the living daylights out of him, but it was impossible, so he resigned himself to try moving his lips as he had his face fucked while Sasuke behaved like Naruto's cock was the only straw on the last bottle of water in the desert, and the damn bastard hadn't had anything to drink for a week.

Nothing on his wildest wet dreams could have prepared him for this. It was as if years of pent-up hormones had just burst through Sasuke's body and he wanted to spend it all at once. Naruto decided if he didn't do anything, and quick, he might end up having his balls sucked right through his cock, so he carefully released himself from Sasuke's cock and sucked tentatively on one of his balls.

It seemed to work, since Sasuke stopped sucking and made a thrumming sound with his throat that was definitely quite enjoyable and a lot less painful. But then Sasuke must have enjoyed the sensation of his cock touching Naruto's collarbones, because he lowered himself a little and Naruto ended up with his mouth latched on his butthole, and his tongue tickling the entrance.

"GAAAAAHHHHHH YES! THERE! DON'T STOP!" Sasuke screamed, digging his nails on Naruto' hips and shivering. Naruto started to roll his tongue around, feeling every nook and cranny, before curiosity won him and he pushed his tongue inside a bit, his hands massaging the cheeks while his teme rubbed the tip of his cock on his collarbone, alternating among moaning, gasping and crying out incoherent pleads for mercy.

Naruto moved one of his hands and started jerking his teme off while he licked and sucked, feeling his own orgasm coming just from the pleasure wafting in waves from the man on top of him. And sure enough, when Sasuke shuddered, thrashed, and started sucking on him again to muffle his own orgasmic noises, he couldn't hold back anymore and came screaming himself.

"Dobe."

They had somehow been able to move after a while, and now were lying side by side on their backs, holding hands and looking at the stars.

"What, teme?"

"I'm gonna be the uke."

"Heh, what? We didn't even properly do it like that yet."

"I don't care. My asshole is in love with you, deal with it."

"What the hell is wrong with that guy?"

Gaara looked up from his bowl and looked at the direction B was pointing, to see Suigetsu walking toward the mess tent, carrying a bucket, eyes firmly set on the ground.

He wouldn't have paid attention for more than that, but since it involved Suigetsu and a bucket, the scene promised to be entertaining. Most of Suigetsu's actions since they left the site of Madara's demise had been, and anything involving B was definitely worthwhile to watch. He smirked.

"Yo! You, what's with the bucket?" B stood up and poked Suigetsu in the chest as he passed their table.

"Mmmhmmmnnnmm" Suigetsu muttered angrily, looking at his feet.

"Yo, baka-yarou, dobe-yarou, look at me!"

Suigetsu slowly lifted his head and looked at the jinchurikii in the face, trembling all over.

Gaara shifted a little to fully appreciate the spectacle, and Juugo, who sat opposite them, started counting on his fingers.

One.

Suigetsu started sweating, biting furiously on his lower lip.

Two.

He started to giggle under his breath.

Three.

Tears started welling up on his eyes as he furiously tried to keep a straight face.

Four.

He burst into uncontrollable laughter, doubling over.

Five.

"Oh shit", he said, as his body liquefied and fell neatly inside the bucket.

The nearby eaters clapped in approval, as B stood there with a puzzled expression, and went back to their lunches.

Naruto woke up to a loud rumble, and jumped up, startled. Then he realized it came from his own stomach.

Sasuke was cooking a couple of rabbits over a small fire.

"Yuuuuuummm, breakfast!"

"Morning, kusogaki"

"Hey, it's all your fault, that smells great". He sat next to his teme and kissed him. "Good morning".

"Hn. The food is about done, let's eat it and go already."

"Huh, what's the hurry, I don't think everyone will raise camp without us anyway."

Sasuke was serious.

"Dobe. we have to let the Edo Tensei go."

"Oh."

Naruto felt a pang of sadness. He hadn't thought about that yet, but knew it was true. The dead deserved to rest again. Including his father.

He knew he'd miss him, but Sasuke was right. He sighed.

"Ok, let's go."

By nightfall they were finally close enough to see the torches around the camp.

Naruto stopped walking, and Sasuke grunted, smirking.

"Cold feet, dobe?"

"Che! I've never had cold feet in my life, you asshole! I'm just… just…"

"Scared to death? Bibiri-kun."

"AAAAAGHHH! That does it! I challenge you right now, teme!"

Sasuke gave him a sideways look, and smirked.

"Ok, last to reach the gates is a dobe, deadlast." He darted off.

"Heh? Oi, wait up, asshole! That's not fair!"

The guards actually "guarding" (against what, they weren't sure, it wasn't as if there was any threat left outside the walls after the war) were the first to hear.

"Bastard! I'm gonna kill you when we get there!"

A shuriken came zipping out of the darkness and lodged itself above the right guard's head.

"Oi, no weapons, dumbass! It's a race, remember?"

Lightning going off.

"I'm gonna stick that chidori up your ass, teme! Kage bunshin no Jutsu!"

"Oi! Oi! Aaaaaghhh!"

A whirling ball of orange bodies rolled down the hill, smacking the wall right beside the left guard.

"Bastard!"

"Dobe!"

"Asshole!"

"Kouhai!"

The blonde guy in orange threw the black-haired one over his shoulder as they reached the threshold, only to have his opponent grab his pants and slide from under him, jumping over him gracefully and running inside, leaving the blonde cursing in a hot rage while trying to pull up his pants and run at the same time.

"I win, deadlast!"

"My ass you win, you cheated, damn teme!"

"Hai, Kakashi-sensei." Sasuke said, passing by, and groped for Naruto's ass as soon as it came within reach.

"AAAAAAACKKKKKK! PERVERT!" Naruto went tomato-red and slapped Sasuke loudly.

"That's not what you said last night, yariman!"

"I'm gonna KILL YOU!"

They rolled around trading punches, until a heeled foot came down on them.

"Both of you STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!"

Naruto froze mid-punch.

Sasuke was already up, recomposing his ragged clothing, and he took his hand to get up, glad for the few more seconds he had before turning around and facing Ms. Wrath herself.

"What is the meaning of this?" Tsunade barked at them, crossing her arms over her considerable bosom.

"Hn. Nothing, just a common marital discussion."

Naruto froze again in the middle of wiping the dust from his pants, and glared at Sasuke. The damn teme looked perfectly comfortable standing in front of him.

Marital discussion.

Naruto's life started playing in front of his eyes. And he had thought he'd live to be Hokage

someday…

"Naruto! Sasuke! Inside!" Naruto was very glad of the speed with which Tsunade spun and stalked away. He grunted at his teme's nonchalant stride as they followed her.

Kakashi watched, wondering what would generate more paperwork, admitting he had witnessed what happened after Madara died or killing them.

A large tent was hastily arranged for the meeting. Usually the tactical decisions were made by the five Kage alone, but Tsunade had demanded the presence of all the Edo Tensei Hokages, along with anyone else who was present at Madara's demise and able to talk, which meant everyone but Guy, who was still unconscious, and Lee, who nobody could wrench away from under his bed.

"I have thought long and hard about this" Tsunade was interrupted by hysterical giggling and shot a deadly glare over Sakura and the bucket next to her. Suigetsu had completely given up on becoming solid as soon as he heard the term "Marital discussion" being mentioned in a confused exchange between Kiba, Shikamaru and Chouji earlier.

"As I was saying" she continued when the giggling subsided "I have thought about the situation at hand" more giggling ensued, and this time even Orochimaru was barely holding a straight face.

Kakashi felt a tear roll from his eyes, as he stood stoically resisting the urge to laugh.

"And decided that even though this is theoretically a question pertaining only to Konoha" Tsunade shot a fiery glare around the room "As it involves the security and well-being of all the nations, let alone the Jinchurikii and Sharingan issues" at that Orochimaru looked at Sakura, who looked at Kakashi, who stared forward and happened to gaze at the spot where Naruto and Sasuke were standing, right as the Uchiha tried to hold Naruto's waist and got a sound slap in the face, a scene that completely destroyed his composure.

They all burst into roaring laughter at once, except Juugo, who was calmly looking at the ceiling with a smile on his face, Tsunade, who seemed to have smoke puffing through her nostrils, Naruto, who was too busy trying to look as small as he could in embarrassment, and Sasuke, who stood unperturbed as everyone else in the room rolled around laughing, poking each other on the ribs and saying "Sharingan!", "Susan-o!", "Chidori!", amid various references to tails, teeth and claws; or, in Suigetsu's case, bubbled in mirth.

"CHAAAA! CAN'T YOU SEE THIS ISN'T FUNNY?!"

Everyone tried to regain whatever shred of dignity they could, and eventually even the giggles subsided under the Godaime's glare.

"Godaime. May I speak, please?" the Fourth asked and came forward.

"Hai, Yondaime. I was hoping you might help put some sense into your son's head. Gods know nobody else can." Tsunade muttered the last phrase, rounding the table and seating beside the Rokage.

"Naruto." Minato looked at his son's blonde hair, the only thing that could be seen over his turtleneck.

*mumble*

"Oi, Naruto."

Reluctantly, Naruto pulled the jumper enough so his blue eyes showed.

"Yes, father."

"Why didn't you tell me the truth earlier?" Minato had a couple of tears streaking his cheeks.

*mumble*

"Oi, be polite when addressing my gakufu, dobe!" Sasuke growled, staring ahead.

"AAAAGGHHHH! Ok! You want to know, it's because of that! How could I ever stand in front of you and tell you I loved this… this… AUGHHHHH!" Naruto pulled at his own hair.

"You're my dad, you had a perfect life, you were hokage, THE YONDAIME HOKAGE, you married the perfect wife, and I knew you would never understand THIS!" He pointed accusingly at Exhibit A, who was still staring straight ahead with a serious face.

Minato laughed, and went serious.

"Sasuke-san."

Sasuke raised his head defiantly, pushing his chin forward. Like hell was he going to show how actually terrified he was of facing Naruto's father.

"Hai, Yondaime."

"You saved my son." It was not a question.

"Hai."

"As I have been told, he gave his word to Sakura that he would bring you back to Konoha, against your will, and even though you owed him nothing, that he had given his word to bring you back to someone else, and you could have left, you joined in the fight against Madara. Why?"

Sasuke sighed. As proud as he was, he understood the need to answer this question openly, to drop the bullshit altogether.

He dropped his head, and when he raised it again, he had angry tears in his eyes.

"Naruto is all I have. I knew he had everyone else, all the power in the world backing him. My brother – shut up Naruto, I know about the Genjutsu, but that only worked because he gave it to YOU – knew that even before I did. Of all the people I befriended, of all that I ever met, he was the only one I couldn't lose. Still is.

I just… I can't live in a world without him, even if he is a moron and sometimes I feel like strangling him with his own guts for being the usuratonkachi he is. I can't live without knowing he is there, without this stupid self-satisfied smile, his ridiculous self-assurance. I can't live without the way the sun makes his hair shine so much, and his clothes are so screaming orange that he can't pass unnoticed in a mile wide radius. I can't live without his loud nagging and complaining and whining, or the way his breath smells like ramen even when he hasn't had any for days.

I can't live without him, Yondaime. I can't live without him even knowing he loves Konoha more. That he loves this whole world more. I know that what he wants after the war, to protect everyone, is something only he can achieve. His heart is that big. Mine isn't, and he takes so much room there's hardly any left for anyone else, but maybe that's enough to make me worthy of him. Or at least the

Sage of the Six Paths thought so."

He lifted his palm to the Yondaime, who took it briefly, before letting go. Naruto was looking at him, speechless.

Minato was quiet for a long time. Nobody was laughing anymore. Even Orochimaru had the decency to drop the scowl and keep a neutral look.

Then the Yondaime bowed to Sasuke, and smiled.

"Kushina and I had many dreams for Naruto. But we couldn't help him achieve any, and he was alone, fending for himself, for a long, long time. I think at least now we can be free of the guilt from leaving him so early without a family. I welcome you, giri no musuko."

Sasuke bowed deeper in return, and then Naruto was throwing himself at his father, bawling his head off, thanking Minato and promising him he and Sasuke would make them both proud, leaving snot and tears all over his father's robe.

"Tch." Great Hokage his dobe was going to be, crying like that in front of everyone.

The next day, surrounded by everyone and with his dobe at his side, Sasuke released the Edo Tensei, one by one, Minato last. He approached as Minato called and whispered something in his ear, nodded and bowed deeply before releasing the jutsu.

As they were heading to their tent at the outskirts of the camp (They had been located near the Kages' quarters last night, but a weary Tsunade informed them they would be moving this morning. No mentions of loud noises were made, thankfully, though some people gave them weird sidelong looks – and occasional smothered giggles – for the entire day), Naruto stopped and turned to Sasuke with a serious expression.

"Thank you, Sasuke. Uhm, what did my father tell you?"

"Something about making you eat better. Like I could drag you away from Ichiraku. Heh, at least I can cook, so it won't be ramen EVERY day."

"Hah. Bastard."

Sasuke grabbed his hand.

"Hn. Let's go already, my ass is getting cold. Tte bayo."

Naruto laughed and entwined fingers with Sasuke, sun and moon together.

End Notes

1) No, I haven't elaborated much on the kissing and there is not a lot of angst between Naruto and Sasuke, because they're supposed to have bared their souls to the Sage of the 6 paths, and thus have no more reason to cultivate bullshit between them.

2) Yes, Naruto is only embarrassed about being seen by other people with Sasuke. Closet

pervert? You betcha.

3) Sasuke is supposedly entirely innocent about sex. And sex-related terminology.

4) Considering that Naruto's world is an extremely militarized one, homossexuality would probably not be viewed as a problem per se (except when it comes to reproductive plans).

The Sharingan discussion with the Kages is not shown because Sasuke already explains his views to Naruto, and I thought that it was enough for the purposes of the story.

Thank you all for reading, please leave a review, your feedback is very much appreciated!

Glossary for (some of the) insults

Baka = idiot

Bibiri-kun = scared kitty

Detchiri = protruding butt (a.k.a. large ass)

Dobe = dumbass

Gakufu = father in law (mentioning to others, lit. "husband's father" )

Giri no Chichi = father in law (addressing)

Giri no musuko = son in law

Kouhai = underling (the opposite of senpai, and quite a rude way to address people)

Kusogaki = bad mannered (child, because it offends more, lol)

Kusottare = shit drip (literally)

Manuke = clueless

Shouniseiaisha = pedophile

Teme = very rude way of saying you (loosely translated to English as "bastard")

Usuratonkachi = dead last

Yariman = slut


End file.
